jcm05
Administrator
Posts: 1,685
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Post by jcm05 on Aug 26, 2010 7:35:44 GMT -5
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?!" she asked. "I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner? He never heard the gunshot...
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Post by rintintin on Sept 6, 2010 22:17:47 GMT -5
At least he didn't say "You got it six sizes too big."
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jcm05
Administrator
Posts: 1,685
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Post by jcm05 on Jan 13, 2011 7:51:35 GMT -5
I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.
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Tom Akers
Tomato Gardener
Fishrman and Tomato Lover
Posts: 84
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Post by Tom Akers on Jan 14, 2011 9:31:26 GMT -5
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Post by rintintin on Jan 15, 2011 20:04:45 GMT -5
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jcm05
Administrator
Posts: 1,685
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Post by jcm05 on Jan 20, 2011 9:10:06 GMT -5
Lewinsky and Kaczynski The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'. The requirements this week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick. Now, remember, the following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs: Third place: There once was a girl named Lewinsky Who played on a flute like Stravinsky 'Twas 'Hail to the Chief' On this flute made of beef That stole the front page from Kaczynski. Second place: Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky, We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski, Since you made such a mess, Use the hem of your dress And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky. And the winning entry: Lewinsky and Clinton have shown What Kaczynski must surely have known, That an intern is better Than a bomb in a letter, When deciding how best to be blown.
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Post by rintintin on Jan 23, 2011 20:26:18 GMT -5
Clinton actually gave Lewinsky some good advice as she was leaving... "Don't bang your head on the desk when you get up."
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